Give me reason, but don't give me choice,
Cause I'll just make the same mistake again.
'Same Mistake - James Blunt
I seem to be having a bit of deja vu. As I write this, we are looking for a new house, yet again. This will be the fourth place in seven months. I'm a bit amused by the fact that I have felt no anger over this. I have predicted since the day that our landlord said we could only sign a six-month lease, that there was trouble afoot. Indeed she is selling the house, and we now have less than four weeks to leave. I still think this will lead to an even better living arrangement, and that we will end up being even better off, even if temporarily inconvenienced.
On the work front, well, I'm completely fed up. After completely driving myself into the ground since last August, I find that the work I do is underappreciated, for the sake of brevity. I could go on and on about why, but most everyone has heard me rant and rave about it. However even this is alright, as I believe that whatever I am forced to do in looking for a different position/job, things will be better.
As for everything else, I just don't know. I have, for god only knows what reason, taken advice from those that I said I wouldn't ever again. I guess its not so bad this time as I really have nothing to lose, but even so, I think my gut feeling remains accurate. To all those at work Friday morning, mostly from Product Process and Media...yeah, I don't generally have these conversations because now, 47 different people are going to ask me the same thing, and upon reply, will attempt to dispense advice that is probably not terribly useful (no offense). I mean its nice that people are so interested in my...well being...but it doesn't make it any less annoying at times.
On the completely positive side, in spite of the speed bumps, I'm thoroughly enjoying most everything right now.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
And You Asked Me What I Want This Year
And I try to make this kind and clear,
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days.
'Cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings,
And desire and love and empty things,
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days.
So take these words, and sing out loud,
'Cause everyone, is forgiven now,
'Cause tonight's the night the world begins again.
'Better Days' - Goo Goo Dolls
While there is inherently nothing different about this day and the ones preceeding it, I am, as I expected, feeling that things are headed in the right direction. The book on 2007 is closed. You will not find top ten lists, or a recount of that which happened, as if you are here, you probably already know what it would cover.
It has started off quite well. A nice night with friends, a surprise late night invitation, a decent day at work, and even a step toward reconciliation. I have no reason to think the rest of this week won't go just as well.
As for everyone else, I can only wish that you and yours are able to have as good of a 2008 as I expect to.
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days.
'Cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings,
And desire and love and empty things,
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days.
So take these words, and sing out loud,
'Cause everyone, is forgiven now,
'Cause tonight's the night the world begins again.
'Better Days' - Goo Goo Dolls
While there is inherently nothing different about this day and the ones preceeding it, I am, as I expected, feeling that things are headed in the right direction. The book on 2007 is closed. You will not find top ten lists, or a recount of that which happened, as if you are here, you probably already know what it would cover.
It has started off quite well. A nice night with friends, a surprise late night invitation, a decent day at work, and even a step toward reconciliation. I have no reason to think the rest of this week won't go just as well.
As for everyone else, I can only wish that you and yours are able to have as good of a 2008 as I expect to.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
I'm Always Workin', Slavin' Every Day
Gotta get away from that same old same old.
I need a chance, just to get away,
If you could hear me think, this is what I'd say.
Don't need nothin, but a good time, how can I resist.
Ain't lookin for nothin, but a good time, and it don't get better than this.
'Nothin But a Good Time' - Poison
I find it humorous how now if I go a while without writing, I start getting questions as to why, and when I'm going to again. I suppose I should either be flattered or disturbed. As for the why, well, honestly not much has been going on. Work has been up and down, as is to be expected this time of year. And everything else, while uneventful from a dramatic point of view, has been nothing but good times. All I've done is hang out with friends, a lot. And the worst that has gone on there is I've got people attempting to coerce me in to attempting something that is for lack of a better word, interesting. Now this may not have gone so well last time, but I find that to be irrelevant now. In fact I find it somewhat telling that in the face of all that happened, I have arrived at a point where I am mostly happy, especially over the last three weeks. It's funny thinking of how things have changed, and what has been absent in that span of time. I'd like to think its a coincidence, but I think most everyone would call shenanigans on that, and would go as far as to tell me "I told you so."
We are one week from 2008. I can hardly contain my excitement at this fact. I am willing to say that 2007 was in most ways a complete and utter disaster. However with the recent turn around, I have to believe that better days lay ahead. The fully optimistic view has things really hitting their stride around the 26th or 27th...and anyone who can figure out why will get two cookies (as one cookie did not entice many people the last time I offered a reward).
And by the way, fuck being back to work at 4:00am tomorrow. To every person that may be returning something tomorrow, I reserve the right to stab you for no good reason.
One event of note that I realize I never wrote about...I think I have now shaken the hand of the next President of the United States. Two down, hopefully.
They say winners keep score, so here are some current statistics and scores with no explanation for the sake of posterity and because I'm bored as I get ready for bed:
Me: 2 Cars: 0
Seven Day Theory: 2 Me: 0
Crappy Phone: 1 Ability to send one text message to 100 people: 0
Songs downloaded this month: 5,000
Songs integrated into music collection (I'm OCD about file names): 0
Minutes it took to say goodbye before leaving work Sunday: 35 <3
I need a chance, just to get away,
If you could hear me think, this is what I'd say.
Don't need nothin, but a good time, how can I resist.
Ain't lookin for nothin, but a good time, and it don't get better than this.
'Nothin But a Good Time' - Poison
I find it humorous how now if I go a while without writing, I start getting questions as to why, and when I'm going to again. I suppose I should either be flattered or disturbed. As for the why, well, honestly not much has been going on. Work has been up and down, as is to be expected this time of year. And everything else, while uneventful from a dramatic point of view, has been nothing but good times. All I've done is hang out with friends, a lot. And the worst that has gone on there is I've got people attempting to coerce me in to attempting something that is for lack of a better word, interesting. Now this may not have gone so well last time, but I find that to be irrelevant now. In fact I find it somewhat telling that in the face of all that happened, I have arrived at a point where I am mostly happy, especially over the last three weeks. It's funny thinking of how things have changed, and what has been absent in that span of time. I'd like to think its a coincidence, but I think most everyone would call shenanigans on that, and would go as far as to tell me "I told you so."
We are one week from 2008. I can hardly contain my excitement at this fact. I am willing to say that 2007 was in most ways a complete and utter disaster. However with the recent turn around, I have to believe that better days lay ahead. The fully optimistic view has things really hitting their stride around the 26th or 27th...and anyone who can figure out why will get two cookies (as one cookie did not entice many people the last time I offered a reward).
And by the way, fuck being back to work at 4:00am tomorrow. To every person that may be returning something tomorrow, I reserve the right to stab you for no good reason.
One event of note that I realize I never wrote about...I think I have now shaken the hand of the next President of the United States. Two down, hopefully.
They say winners keep score, so here are some current statistics and scores with no explanation for the sake of posterity and because I'm bored as I get ready for bed:
Me: 2 Cars: 0
Seven Day Theory: 2 Me: 0
Crappy Phone: 1 Ability to send one text message to 100 people: 0
Songs downloaded this month: 5,000
Songs integrated into music collection (I'm OCD about file names): 0
Minutes it took to say goodbye before leaving work Sunday: 35 <3
Monday, December 3, 2007
I'm Only Happy When It Rains
I'm only happy when it's complicated.
And though I know you can't appreciate it,
I'm only happy when it rains.
'Only Happy When It Rains' - Garbage
Ok, none of that is true, it's just raining....a lot. Any happiness at this time is purely coincidental. I find it interesting that so soon after plans were made at work, that this first part of the apocalypse has arrived. I realize however that we assumed that said apocalpyse would involve nuclear weapons, civil war, or some other violent upheaval. For this, our store is the perfect position, defendable in all directions, fortified by thick cement walls and blast doors, a good place to base our command center. However the problem with this plan is that if the apocalpyse comes by flood, we're freakin boned. Back to the drawing bored boys. And poor Brian...trapped in the wasteland that is Woodinville.
After a few days of being incredibly displeased with...everything, I have returned to that happy place I was in a week ago. Friday was perhaps the pinnacle of this, having been the day that I got to see so many friends, both at home and in my first visit to Moon Temple. Why oh why did I wait so long to make it out to that place. Fun would be an insufficient word to describe it. New friends, drunken bar songs, and being able to say that I'm fine again (Randy and Michelle, obviously you can agree with that statement) all made it a night I needed. The rest of the weekend was good too, getting to spend time with my family (even if there were some unpleasant moments....sorry baby doll, it'll get better).
I think the only bad thing right now is that I apparently shattered the LCD on my camera. At least it still works...mostly. Even work is alright...I guess...at least the holidays are essentially over in three weeks. And then New Year's...my incredibly circuitous plan is one-quarter complete.
And though I know you can't appreciate it,
I'm only happy when it rains.
'Only Happy When It Rains' - Garbage
Ok, none of that is true, it's just raining....a lot. Any happiness at this time is purely coincidental. I find it interesting that so soon after plans were made at work, that this first part of the apocalypse has arrived. I realize however that we assumed that said apocalpyse would involve nuclear weapons, civil war, or some other violent upheaval. For this, our store is the perfect position, defendable in all directions, fortified by thick cement walls and blast doors, a good place to base our command center. However the problem with this plan is that if the apocalpyse comes by flood, we're freakin boned. Back to the drawing bored boys. And poor Brian...trapped in the wasteland that is Woodinville.
After a few days of being incredibly displeased with...everything, I have returned to that happy place I was in a week ago. Friday was perhaps the pinnacle of this, having been the day that I got to see so many friends, both at home and in my first visit to Moon Temple. Why oh why did I wait so long to make it out to that place. Fun would be an insufficient word to describe it. New friends, drunken bar songs, and being able to say that I'm fine again (Randy and Michelle, obviously you can agree with that statement) all made it a night I needed. The rest of the weekend was good too, getting to spend time with my family (even if there were some unpleasant moments....sorry baby doll, it'll get better).
I think the only bad thing right now is that I apparently shattered the LCD on my camera. At least it still works...mostly. Even work is alright...I guess...at least the holidays are essentially over in three weeks. And then New Year's...my incredibly circuitous plan is one-quarter complete.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Jealousy, Turning Saints Into the Sea
Swimming through sick lullabies, choking on your alibis.
But it's just the price I pay, destiny is calling me.
Open up my eager eyes, cause I'm Mr. Brightside.
'Mr. Brightside' - The Killers
You have got to be kidding me. I wanted to get out of the house because of what had happened today. Then I found myself wanting nothing but to be back here because of what happened tonight. All I wanted was a nice relaxing evening with friends, but apparently that was too fucking much to ask.
What amuses me is how little I felt during it all. I literally did nothing but keep a blank stare on my face, with just a hint of a smile. I wasn't even angry at what was happening, just that it was happening right then, at the absolutely wrong time. Like I said in 'Give Me a Shot to Remember,' I'm fine with what has gone on. The pain is still there, but I've dealt with it. There is this part of me, and it is the part that expressed itself as I walked away, that I almost feel bad expressing. It's the part of me that just started laughing. Maybe it was a laugh of relief that another page is turned. Maybe it was a laugh at the sheer absurdity of it all. Or perhaps it was my personality fracturing, and the evil half asserting itself. It is the same side of me that had a hard time believing some of the words that had been spoken to me, specifically the ones about me. It is that little part that worries me.
There are 34 days left in this year. I have started reminding myself of this, as though an arbitrary change in calendar year could have any true significance.
On the one good side....hilarity did as always ensue, and was captured on video. I think my idea of a greatest hits album is sounding better all the time.
But it's just the price I pay, destiny is calling me.
Open up my eager eyes, cause I'm Mr. Brightside.
'Mr. Brightside' - The Killers
You have got to be kidding me. I wanted to get out of the house because of what had happened today. Then I found myself wanting nothing but to be back here because of what happened tonight. All I wanted was a nice relaxing evening with friends, but apparently that was too fucking much to ask.
What amuses me is how little I felt during it all. I literally did nothing but keep a blank stare on my face, with just a hint of a smile. I wasn't even angry at what was happening, just that it was happening right then, at the absolutely wrong time. Like I said in 'Give Me a Shot to Remember,' I'm fine with what has gone on. The pain is still there, but I've dealt with it. There is this part of me, and it is the part that expressed itself as I walked away, that I almost feel bad expressing. It's the part of me that just started laughing. Maybe it was a laugh of relief that another page is turned. Maybe it was a laugh at the sheer absurdity of it all. Or perhaps it was my personality fracturing, and the evil half asserting itself. It is the same side of me that had a hard time believing some of the words that had been spoken to me, specifically the ones about me. It is that little part that worries me.
There are 34 days left in this year. I have started reminding myself of this, as though an arbitrary change in calendar year could have any true significance.
On the one good side....hilarity did as always ensue, and was captured on video. I think my idea of a greatest hits album is sounding better all the time.
So Much For the Golden Future, I Can't Even Start
I've had every promise broken, there's anger in my heart,
You don't know what it's like, you don't have a clue.
If you did you'd find yourselves, doing the same thing too.
Breakin the law, breakin the law....
'Breakin the Law' - Judas Priest
Motherfuckers. Well it could have been far worse. Sometime between 10:30am and 3:00pm, someone decided to enter our home, and start taking things. I was the lucky one in that I lost nothing. Brian lost an Xbox 360 and a PS2, while Aaron lost a Wii and an old laptop. Nothing else whatsoever was taken. Thank god they didn't go upstairs where the real money is. Cops came, dusted for prints, did there thing, and left. Obviously we expect nothing back. The idea that someone invaded our home is disturbing to me. I have to say, this is one of the last places I want to be right now. Time to fix that, see many of you in a couple hours.
You don't know what it's like, you don't have a clue.
If you did you'd find yourselves, doing the same thing too.
Breakin the law, breakin the law....
'Breakin the Law' - Judas Priest
Motherfuckers. Well it could have been far worse. Sometime between 10:30am and 3:00pm, someone decided to enter our home, and start taking things. I was the lucky one in that I lost nothing. Brian lost an Xbox 360 and a PS2, while Aaron lost a Wii and an old laptop. Nothing else whatsoever was taken. Thank god they didn't go upstairs where the real money is. Cops came, dusted for prints, did there thing, and left. Obviously we expect nothing back. The idea that someone invaded our home is disturbing to me. I have to say, this is one of the last places I want to be right now. Time to fix that, see many of you in a couple hours.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Give Me a Shot to Remember, And You Can Take All the Pain Away From Me
A kiss and I will surrender, the sharpest lives are the deadliest to lead.
A light to burn all the empires, so bright the sun is ashamed to rise and be,
In love with all of these vampires, so you can leave like the sane abandoned me.
'The Sharpest Lives' - My Chemical Romance
The difference was noticable obviously, because everyone seemed to sense it. Then again perhaps the giant freaking smile on my face made it apparent. Steve commented that it looked like I was "drunk on life," (ironic due to the small hangover I was still nursing), others today just commented that I looked happy, always stating this with surprise in their voices. For the past two days, I have been the happiest I have been in quite a while. There are still things to be dealt with, maybe. I'm not sure I care at this point because I believe I have, at least in my own mind, if not with those involved, reached a conclusion. There is an understanding of what started all of this, that while it was in some ways disturbing, it also shouldn't have been a surprise because many people made comments to me saying the same thing.
The words that have been stuck in my head are 'shiny new toy.' They are the perfect description of what I experienced. Had I known then what I know now, it would have been obvious. Unfortunately that doesn't negate anything I said or did, or those things that I wanted to say and do but either didn't know how or thought it was unwanted. I don't know why it has taken until now for this fairly simple idea to sink in, or why it is as comforting as it has been, but whatever. There were a few other words that helped me through it too, but those are too....mean....to say here. So for those I told them to, I hope you thought they were as funny as I did. God it feels good to be free of these chains.
I have to say that Saturday night really helped this throught process along. Kevin, Joey, Steph, Matt, Hetty, Michelle, Byron, Randy, etc....good times indeed. If you leave this blog with any type of takeaway, let it be this. Vodka is best served chilled, and spaghetti is best served cooked. ?The More You Know?
God damn it....those are supposed to be music notes....they showed up fine when I previewed....screw you myspace. For effect, please sing the last sentence ala the old NBC commericals. Oh memories :p
A light to burn all the empires, so bright the sun is ashamed to rise and be,
In love with all of these vampires, so you can leave like the sane abandoned me.
'The Sharpest Lives' - My Chemical Romance
The difference was noticable obviously, because everyone seemed to sense it. Then again perhaps the giant freaking smile on my face made it apparent. Steve commented that it looked like I was "drunk on life," (ironic due to the small hangover I was still nursing), others today just commented that I looked happy, always stating this with surprise in their voices. For the past two days, I have been the happiest I have been in quite a while. There are still things to be dealt with, maybe. I'm not sure I care at this point because I believe I have, at least in my own mind, if not with those involved, reached a conclusion. There is an understanding of what started all of this, that while it was in some ways disturbing, it also shouldn't have been a surprise because many people made comments to me saying the same thing.
The words that have been stuck in my head are 'shiny new toy.' They are the perfect description of what I experienced. Had I known then what I know now, it would have been obvious. Unfortunately that doesn't negate anything I said or did, or those things that I wanted to say and do but either didn't know how or thought it was unwanted. I don't know why it has taken until now for this fairly simple idea to sink in, or why it is as comforting as it has been, but whatever. There were a few other words that helped me through it too, but those are too....mean....to say here. So for those I told them to, I hope you thought they were as funny as I did. God it feels good to be free of these chains.
I have to say that Saturday night really helped this throught process along. Kevin, Joey, Steph, Matt, Hetty, Michelle, Byron, Randy, etc....good times indeed. If you leave this blog with any type of takeaway, let it be this. Vodka is best served chilled, and spaghetti is best served cooked. ?The More You Know?
God damn it....those are supposed to be music notes....they showed up fine when I previewed....screw you myspace. For effect, please sing the last sentence ala the old NBC commericals. Oh memories :p
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