Memorial Day

Death is not something that I have had to deal with on many occasions. Generally the people that I've known that have died have been so far removed from me that the effect on me was minimal. I hadn't even been at a memorial service for anyone since I was 7. This was certainly going to be a day in which I couldn't know what to expect.

If you read 'Requiem,' a blog I wrote in April, you know that I lost someone that I cared about very much. It pained me that I couldn't go to Los Angeles to see him before he left us, but life being what it is, that was an opportunity I missed. However I take solace in knowing so many other people were there. Reading through the guestbook that they had down there was incredible. The stories people wrote were even more reminders of just what kind of impact he had. Even greater was the chance to meet a couple of the people that were important to him, his partner Bob, and one of his closest friends, Pam. It's was a shame to have met them under such circumstances, but certainly an amazing experience to immediately bond with them so closely.

June 3rd would have been Scooter's 49th birthday, a fitting day I suppose to celebrate all that he was to everyone. Not having attended this type of thing before, again, I didn't really know what to expect. However the one thing that I hoped for did happen, and that was closure. The only other person I've lost in recent times, I was unable to attend their memorial, which was alright though because we had a chance to speak in a way that we hadn't in years, and that was enough for me. But in this case I really hadn't found a way to deal with the whole thing. However as we all stood around the tree, each spreading a part of him in the place he most wanted to rest, I found myself overwhelmed by a sense of peace. Then as we went back to the gathering place I had the opportunity to sit with his mother (my great-aunt, with whom I'm very close) and cry, looking on as she held his favorite stuffed animal as a child, an artifact that had been found during the goings-thru of his belongings. Then after a round of comforting the siblings, whom I hadn't seen in far too long, the mood lightened again and everyone felt a bit better about things than they did only a few hours before.

I also had the opportunity to do something that I hadn't been able to do in far too long, and that was play catch with my cousin Dana. With a couple of exceptions (people that aren't particularly close to the rest of the family), I am basically the oldest of my generation in the family. Between that and my love of kids, I have always looked upon many of my cousins as though they were my own children. Dana was certainly one of the best examples of that, however we hadn't seen each other in a couple years. He's 16 now, something of which I do not approve of. Anyway, we finally had a chance to talk about life in general, and like I said, play catch (sports have always been something of a tradition with all of us kids). It felt good to have that back, especially on a day filled with so many different emotions.

One final random observation about being with so much of that side of the family again. I thought it was interesting how so many of them hiesitated before saying my name. That side of the family has always known me as J.T., however as I've gotten older some of them would always think that perhaps I'd outgrown it and would rather be called James. Then there is always that brief moment of understanding in their eyes when I reassure them in some way that the name didn't magically go away when I left home.

Anyway, I'm glad all of this feels right again. As much as we all miss you, we know that at least you aren't in pain anymore. And I know that if I'm wrong in all that I believe, then when you got there, you had a place of honor at His right hand, as no one would of deserved it more, because like you said, "It's been a good run."