And I laugh at myself, as the years roll down, cause its the world I know.
'The World I Know' - Collective Soul
There is a part of me that I have always been drawn toward studying, toward understanding. A part of me so fundamentally different from everyone else that it alters the way that I percieve reality. It took me many years to understand that this wasn't normal. It took me many more years to understand just how dangerous it could be. It took much longer to realize that it is an amazing ability, but with it there is a price. It is this part of me that seemed to be relevant repeatedly the past week.
The one that surprised me the most was on the weekend excursion to Longview that Steve and I took. The reason was two-fold...Steve's brother Thomas' graduation, and Father's Day. So the part of the trip outside the norm was that which was spent at Longview Memorial Stadium. As it was said so well there, "If you've seen one graduation, you've seen them all." While that is certainly true for the most part, I did find it moderately interesting to be at a ceremony for my own high school. With that in mind, it was ineveitable that I would find old teachers. Now generally when I meet up with old teachers, the recognition is immediate, the conversation long, and the memories nearly overwhelming. However I was stunned at the blank stares. Now in their defense, when you don't expect something, it is easy to miss. I once had an uncle whom I see only on occasion come into my work and I didn't even recognize him. So it happens...but still, I was surprised.
As for the other situation, it revolves around the events that I've mentioned in recent posts. I was having a serious discussion about my motivations, what led me to them, and why I have said all along that two people convinced me in what the right course of action was. Well, it was disturbing to find that one of them had no freaking clue what I was talking about. Couldn't remember a damned thing about what started it all. One worries about the advice they heed when the information that led to it was obviously of such little importance.
The common thread here, in case it wasn't obvious, is memory. While people pass the time, forgetting moments of little importance, giving not a second thought to the comings and goings of the day; I remain, an observer and archivist if you will of what has gone. This is one of the reasons it amuses me that I so enjoy photography. I don't have to take any of these pictures, for they exist in my mind. Now this isn't to say that I remember everything, as that is not the nature of the gift. What it does mean is that I remember most things, that I can recall many of them quickly, and that those I do recall are more than just impressions, emotions, and fragments of history, they are a complete replay of an event. I don't know entirely why I felt the need to talk about this, as its generally something I don't bring up. But I suppose I've had so many comments lately in the vein of "how the hell do you know that/remember that/what are talking about" that I wanted to explain a little. If this piqued your interest, perhaps you should read this Wikipedia Article Think that covers it for now...hope you enjoyed our little trip, see you next time.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
I Fell In To a Burning Ring of Fire
Went down, down, down, and the flames went higher,
And it burns, burns, burns, that ring of fire, that ring of fire.
'Ring of Fire' - Johnny Cash (but I'm listening to the Social Distortion one)
WHY IS IT A MILLION DEGREES IN MY ROOM. It is 56 outside....it is like the god-damned sun in here. (At this point you should note the time I wrote this....this makes no sense). Well I didn't want to sleep anyway did I. On the plus side I'm getting some packing done. On the down side I'm not moving for 6-8 weeks. It is possible that I'm planning this one just a bit too far ahead :P.
I'm going out somewhere, sometime, between now and the end of the weekend. Drinking and debauchery need to ensue. It'll be like Monday night but without all the stupid shit. With the exception of a quick trip back to Longview (in the area of 18 hours), I should be free. Time to play with some of that advice I got...Who's gonna join me?
And it burns, burns, burns, that ring of fire, that ring of fire.
'Ring of Fire' - Johnny Cash (but I'm listening to the Social Distortion one)
WHY IS IT A MILLION DEGREES IN MY ROOM. It is 56 outside....it is like the god-damned sun in here. (At this point you should note the time I wrote this....this makes no sense). Well I didn't want to sleep anyway did I. On the plus side I'm getting some packing done. On the down side I'm not moving for 6-8 weeks. It is possible that I'm planning this one just a bit too far ahead :P.
I'm going out somewhere, sometime, between now and the end of the weekend. Drinking and debauchery need to ensue. It'll be like Monday night but without all the stupid shit. With the exception of a quick trip back to Longview (in the area of 18 hours), I should be free. Time to play with some of that advice I got...Who's gonna join me?
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends
Mmm I get high with a little help from my friends,
Oh I'm gonna try with a little help from my friens.
'With a Little Help from My Friends' - The Beatles
Ok, first off....I'm fine. Last night was the result of, well who the hell knows, but I'm fine now. As has happened many times before, I went to work, and as the title states, got by with a little help from my friends. I think some venting was all I needed, and perhaps a little perspective. I recieved both, and from those that didn't know the story, still got at the very minimum them doing what they could to make me smile. It is those moments that remind me why I won't go to Bellevue. And Mr. Stalker, I owe you a drink, maybe a couple if it all works. Even if you were only partly right, the point was well taken. If you were completely right, well then this is gonna be fun.
So as I said, past three weeks have been amazing. If you plan on reading this all, I recommend grabbing a drink, perhaps stretch a bit so you aren't as stiff when you stand up at a much later time.
Like true Americans, Aaron, Brian and I wanted to do something special for Memorial Day. What better way to show our patriotism than a trip to Canada. Wait...that makes no sense...which is good because neither did any of the planning that went into this. We headed up Friday evening with absolutely no idea what we were doing. We had one birth certificate (mine) between the three of us, one out of state driver's license (Aaron's), and no hotel reservations. As we found out upon reaching the border, customs was not amused. After being questioned by a Canadian border patrol officer, she allowed us through and told us not to pull a stunt like this again without a bit more planning or identification. So with that out of the way, we continued northward.
We reached Vancouver fairly quickly, but found ourselves in one of the more seedy parts of the city, made obvious by the fact that the first hotel we saw had a big flashing sign saying "Girls, Girls, Girls." So we debated the positives and negatives of the place (positives = well....girls, obviously, negatives = probably getting knived before, during, and/or after). This debate lasted approximately 3/4 of a second, so we continued on. Next place looked more reputable but had no rooms. Next place was downtown....four stars, and way the hell more money than we were prepared to spend. Hell, when we finally found a room it still ran us CDN$250 (which is like US$12,000.....stupid metric dollars). Also of note was the residential house across the street. Odd place for a house, in the middle of downtown....more odd is that it looked like the house from Fight Club...also odd was the massive party going on there. Passed on party, chose sleep instead.
Saturday took us to Granville Island (public market and a brewery), EAT! Vancouver (giant food and drink festival) at BC Arena, Earl's (best restaurant ever, but mostly due to the...scenery), an attempt at night clubs (failed miserably), and the Richmond Night Market. Specifics of note...Aaron judged an international Chili championship event, and we discovered some amazing alcohol at EAT!...found Canada's version of Rockstar 21, which is vastly superior...spent 1/2 hr searching for night market, which is apparently hidden.
Sunday's most important event was going to a pub downtown called the Irish Heather. Absofuckinglutely amazing. Perhaps the best corned beef and cabbage I've ever had, along with some good pints and an amazing atmosphere. We stayed there two hours and didn't realize it. Stopped off at duty-free store on the way back, but was horribly disappointed. Then came the grand attempt at reentering the country. Now I should probably mention here that there is a strange piece of trivia about me. EVERY time I've left the country, the people accompanying me only been allowed into the country due to the benevolence of the officers interrogating us, generally after some sort of egregious rule violation. However I've never come so close to not being able to come home. We obviously ran into the same problem as going in, two people's lack of 2nd ID. I can sum up the confrontation in one quote, stated by the burly immigrations guy..."How are you going to satisfy me." Well, we made it home, thankfully.
The following weekend found Bret, Josh, and I going to see Senator Barack Obama (D-Illinois) speak at the Qwest Field Event Center, or whatever its called. Damned amazing speaker, and definitely stands a helluva shot...should be a fun race. Afterward we stopped as F.X. McRory's for some beers, then to Dante's for more beers with Kevin, Travis, Adam, Tavis, and another guy whose name eludes me. Much debate, much yelling, and much, much, drinking. Also the horrifying lesson that Tavis can't read, which cost me more money than I'd have liked. Also inadvertantely made plans for the next day after having a text messaging war with Tavis, Adam and I on one side, and Alex on the other. So the next day Matt, Alex and I had lunch, walked Greenlake, and just hung out. Also built Gir's new desktop. Then this past weekend was running errands with Gir, re-building Steve's computer, and hanging out with Alex Saturday (lunch, and then dinner and 'Knocked Up' with Caleb, Adam, and Ross). Found out that mixing drinks while sitting in a theater is awesome. Then Sunday was Alex's 21st B-Day party/Danielle's Graduation party. Pickleball, Basketball, Corona's and Margeritas...pretty much sums up the day (that and being able to use the phrase "Alex' Mom got us liquored up).
So no matter how bad I made things out to be last night...that was temporary, because damn, the past three weeks have been so much fun.
Oh I'm gonna try with a little help from my friens.
'With a Little Help from My Friends' - The Beatles
Ok, first off....I'm fine. Last night was the result of, well who the hell knows, but I'm fine now. As has happened many times before, I went to work, and as the title states, got by with a little help from my friends. I think some venting was all I needed, and perhaps a little perspective. I recieved both, and from those that didn't know the story, still got at the very minimum them doing what they could to make me smile. It is those moments that remind me why I won't go to Bellevue. And Mr. Stalker, I owe you a drink, maybe a couple if it all works. Even if you were only partly right, the point was well taken. If you were completely right, well then this is gonna be fun.
So as I said, past three weeks have been amazing. If you plan on reading this all, I recommend grabbing a drink, perhaps stretch a bit so you aren't as stiff when you stand up at a much later time.
Like true Americans, Aaron, Brian and I wanted to do something special for Memorial Day. What better way to show our patriotism than a trip to Canada. Wait...that makes no sense...which is good because neither did any of the planning that went into this. We headed up Friday evening with absolutely no idea what we were doing. We had one birth certificate (mine) between the three of us, one out of state driver's license (Aaron's), and no hotel reservations. As we found out upon reaching the border, customs was not amused. After being questioned by a Canadian border patrol officer, she allowed us through and told us not to pull a stunt like this again without a bit more planning or identification. So with that out of the way, we continued northward.
We reached Vancouver fairly quickly, but found ourselves in one of the more seedy parts of the city, made obvious by the fact that the first hotel we saw had a big flashing sign saying "Girls, Girls, Girls." So we debated the positives and negatives of the place (positives = well....girls, obviously, negatives = probably getting knived before, during, and/or after). This debate lasted approximately 3/4 of a second, so we continued on. Next place looked more reputable but had no rooms. Next place was downtown....four stars, and way the hell more money than we were prepared to spend. Hell, when we finally found a room it still ran us CDN$250 (which is like US$12,000.....stupid metric dollars). Also of note was the residential house across the street. Odd place for a house, in the middle of downtown....more odd is that it looked like the house from Fight Club...also odd was the massive party going on there. Passed on party, chose sleep instead.
Saturday took us to Granville Island (public market and a brewery), EAT! Vancouver (giant food and drink festival) at BC Arena, Earl's (best restaurant ever, but mostly due to the...scenery), an attempt at night clubs (failed miserably), and the Richmond Night Market. Specifics of note...Aaron judged an international Chili championship event, and we discovered some amazing alcohol at EAT!...found Canada's version of Rockstar 21, which is vastly superior...spent 1/2 hr searching for night market, which is apparently hidden.
Sunday's most important event was going to a pub downtown called the Irish Heather. Absofuckinglutely amazing. Perhaps the best corned beef and cabbage I've ever had, along with some good pints and an amazing atmosphere. We stayed there two hours and didn't realize it. Stopped off at duty-free store on the way back, but was horribly disappointed. Then came the grand attempt at reentering the country. Now I should probably mention here that there is a strange piece of trivia about me. EVERY time I've left the country, the people accompanying me only been allowed into the country due to the benevolence of the officers interrogating us, generally after some sort of egregious rule violation. However I've never come so close to not being able to come home. We obviously ran into the same problem as going in, two people's lack of 2nd ID. I can sum up the confrontation in one quote, stated by the burly immigrations guy..."How are you going to satisfy me." Well, we made it home, thankfully.
The following weekend found Bret, Josh, and I going to see Senator Barack Obama (D-Illinois) speak at the Qwest Field Event Center, or whatever its called. Damned amazing speaker, and definitely stands a helluva shot...should be a fun race. Afterward we stopped as F.X. McRory's for some beers, then to Dante's for more beers with Kevin, Travis, Adam, Tavis, and another guy whose name eludes me. Much debate, much yelling, and much, much, drinking. Also the horrifying lesson that Tavis can't read, which cost me more money than I'd have liked. Also inadvertantely made plans for the next day after having a text messaging war with Tavis, Adam and I on one side, and Alex on the other. So the next day Matt, Alex and I had lunch, walked Greenlake, and just hung out. Also built Gir's new desktop. Then this past weekend was running errands with Gir, re-building Steve's computer, and hanging out with Alex Saturday (lunch, and then dinner and 'Knocked Up' with Caleb, Adam, and Ross). Found out that mixing drinks while sitting in a theater is awesome. Then Sunday was Alex's 21st B-Day party/Danielle's Graduation party. Pickleball, Basketball, Corona's and Margeritas...pretty much sums up the day (that and being able to use the phrase "Alex' Mom got us liquored up).
So no matter how bad I made things out to be last night...that was temporary, because damn, the past three weeks have been so much fun.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Well I've Never Prayed But Tonight I'm On My Knees Yeah
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me yeah.
'Bittersweet Symphony' - The Verve
I suppose I'll have to come back and write about the past three weekends, because you know what, they've been fantastic. Unfortunately I followed it up with, well I can't begin to understand the place I'm in now...
You know its funny, I could end so much of it right now. All I have to do I think is say the word and I have a new store. An exit from the madness. But wouldn't that be just running away from my problems. God knows they've followed me this far, what makes me think that an extra little change in location will alter anything.
But what exactly is the problem. I've written about my thoughts on this before, and god knows I've had many thoughts on the topic, but I'm nowhere closer to an answer. What I can say is that try as I might, nothing those close to me have said or done could have truly changed anything. I apologize for holding any of you even slightly responsible. I could have just ignored everything that was said, but I CHOSE not to. And I apologize to the one that triggered all of this, because if its been as obvious as people have implied, than I have committed a terrible wrong. But I'm done. For the sake of my sanity I can do nothing less.
There are so many thoughts going through my head right now, but none of them help me in even the slightest way. So now I attempt to sleep, retreating to that place I have mentioned before, the prison that is my mind. In the darkest corners therein I hear the drums of another battle and a scream inspired by the Bard, "Cry havoc, and let slip the dogs of war." Somehow when the battle is done, I just hope I go back to where I was on March 16th, 2007.
--Edit
There is another quote, similarly inspired as the one used in my previous blog (this is dialogue, so one speaker will be in bold, the other not):
I think there comes a time when a man has to ask himself if he wants a life of happiness or a life of meaning.
I'd like to have both
Can't be done, two very different paths. I'm mean, to be truly happy, a man must live absolutely in the present. No thought of what's gone before and no thought of what lies ahead. A life of meaning, a man is condemned to wallow in the past and obsess about the future.
'Bittersweet Symphony' - The Verve
I suppose I'll have to come back and write about the past three weekends, because you know what, they've been fantastic. Unfortunately I followed it up with, well I can't begin to understand the place I'm in now...
You know its funny, I could end so much of it right now. All I have to do I think is say the word and I have a new store. An exit from the madness. But wouldn't that be just running away from my problems. God knows they've followed me this far, what makes me think that an extra little change in location will alter anything.
But what exactly is the problem. I've written about my thoughts on this before, and god knows I've had many thoughts on the topic, but I'm nowhere closer to an answer. What I can say is that try as I might, nothing those close to me have said or done could have truly changed anything. I apologize for holding any of you even slightly responsible. I could have just ignored everything that was said, but I CHOSE not to. And I apologize to the one that triggered all of this, because if its been as obvious as people have implied, than I have committed a terrible wrong. But I'm done. For the sake of my sanity I can do nothing less.
There are so many thoughts going through my head right now, but none of them help me in even the slightest way. So now I attempt to sleep, retreating to that place I have mentioned before, the prison that is my mind. In the darkest corners therein I hear the drums of another battle and a scream inspired by the Bard, "Cry havoc, and let slip the dogs of war." Somehow when the battle is done, I just hope I go back to where I was on March 16th, 2007.
--Edit
There is another quote, similarly inspired as the one used in my previous blog (this is dialogue, so one speaker will be in bold, the other not):
I think there comes a time when a man has to ask himself if he wants a life of happiness or a life of meaning.
I'd like to have both
Can't be done, two very different paths. I'm mean, to be truly happy, a man must live absolutely in the present. No thought of what's gone before and no thought of what lies ahead. A life of meaning, a man is condemned to wallow in the past and obsess about the future.
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