'Kiss Me Deadly' - Lita Ford (or far more awesomely: Reel Big Fish)
Different job, different home, different outlook on so many things. As I try and figure out which direction the next step is to be in, I can't help but look back toward what has passed, specifically the things (good, bad, or otherwise) that made me not want to write for so long. Things have been pretty great lately, but it is one of those introspective moods that brought me back. It was a realization that I underestimated the ability of people to make bad decisions. Actually I can't even say that because who am I to say it was a bad decision or say that I wouldn't have done the same if able, or that I didn't try, or even that didn't actually do that same thing.
I've had occasion recently to think back to a confession I made and it makes me think about something I wrote long ago about the memory and its fleeting nature. On this particular night, a conversation happened that to this day I can't explain. It was one of those times where two people just put everything on the table for no apparent reason. I decided mid-sentence that opportunity was knocking and that it would likely not return. For all intents and purposes I was right, telling the person how I really felt toward them was exactly what the situation called for. It appeared that the response was positive and the next day might bring something new and quite different to the relationship. However as it turned out, all of this occurred during an alcohol-induced fog which left nothing behind outside of my own head (and maybe that of a witness, but I've never had the cojones to ask them).
I think that story really sticks in my head now because it is one of the lenses through which I view the things that have happened since within the topic of the fairer sex. I told Katherine one night that perhaps what I needed to do was look for only short-duration type relationships. I was immediately berated for believing that such was all I could achieve, but that wasn't what my point was. What I was actually saying was not that I wasn't capable of more, but that it just wasn't what I needed right then. I have no particular moral issues with such an arrangement, as we have learned so awkwardly this year. However it was as I was attempting to implement this strategy on a larger scale that things seemed to change drastically yet again. Suddenly people were interested and it was somewhat difficult to handle. In one scenario I had to be on the opposite side of the coin finally, figuring out how to say no to something that I knew was not feasible but they did not. In the other, I had a limited amount of time to have the person around, a complete throwback to 2009 and the ten days before Willow moved away. So this was an improvement from my usual situation but still far from ideal.
The point of everything I've said is this. I have absolutely no idea what it is I want. Again, this only refers to the limited scope of relationships and the like. I'm not saying I should have an answer to this, it is merely an observation.
On an unrelated note, but because I'm bored of writing about personal stuff at this moment, we require a name for a blog covering all sorts of current events topics. There are a few of us that wish to make our thoughts known on more widely relevant topics but until we have a title we are at a bit of a loss. If you are creative enough to assist with this task, you should let me know. I can provide more details on what we are looking for.
