Dreams, Dreams, of When We'd Just Started Things

Dreams of me and you, it seems, it seems.
That I can't shake those memories.
I wonder if you feel the same way too.

'Littlest Things' - Lilly Allen
(Courtesy of Gabriel)

Sometimes in the course of ones travels, certain things become clear. Sometimes it comes in a moment of deep introspection. In others it is simply a random observation. And sometimes it is from something in between. Hopefully these bits of knowledge will help you in your own travels.

1.) You cannot see things that are not there.
Leaving Dante's last night, Gabriel and I told Joel that just ahead was the spot from where we recently liberated a street sign. To assist in the storytelling I told Joel that "the sign is right there, but you can't see it because we took it already."

2.) Driving does not require all of one's skills.
Just a few minutes later, while headed toward the freeway, I nearly clipped a curb while making a right turn. I explained that this was due to the fact that my right contact was not in, therefore my vision was slightly compromised. Gabriel volunteered to drive. Not three minutes prior, he had slipped on ice while attempting to enter the car. I said that he could not drive, given that he could not in fact even stand up. The reply? "I don't have to stand up to drive." The logic here is undeniable.

3.) Golf is not an indoor sport.
How is it that I was berated because I hit a door frame while Matt managed to hit himself. I still believe that I was the winner.

4.) Everything that can happen, does happen, somewhere.
There is a theory that there are an infinite number of universes, making it so that every decision, every little change in every little place, occurs. This means that in some universe out there, Gabriel does not have bad knees. In that same universe, I have chlamydia. Indeed fate is a cruel mistress.

5.) There are always menu options that aren't listed on the menu.
Jamba Juice apparently has 'boosts' for anything that may ail you. However I have to assume that to provide the boost that was promised, my juice would have to fuck me. A reacharound from a liquid would also be very, very messy.

6.) Running is bad for your health.
Bleeding nipples and burning penises. STD's are not the real threat.

7.) If you peer into someone's eyes, you are bound to find out the truth.
There have been many jokes made that the baby pictured in my profile pic, beautiful little Leota, is in fact mine. So when someone not around for these jokes says to me, "I can't figure out how she has such blue eyes when neither parent does," I can't help but laugh. My specific proof has always been that she has my eyes.

I'm guessing I missed something in all of this, as there was much wisdom to be spread in the last 24 hours. Weather permitting, I may have more to share soon.

Time, Time, Time, See What’s Become of Me

While I looked around, for my possibilities, I was so hard to please.

Look around, leaves are brown.
And the sky, is a hazy shade of winter.

'Hazy Shade of Winter' - The Bangles

Sunday night, while mostly designed as a night for people to just chill, led to a conversation which honestly put me right off the happy wagon. Someone asked if I had simply come out and said it, which of course I hadn't. It is a fairly well-known fact that I analyze the shit out of everything. However while it was said that I took the wrong course of action, I can say only this. If what I did was the wrong course, than why is it that I was proven to be right? In fact why is it that on every similar occasion I am proven right? What people don't realize is that this isn't an issue of self-confidence. It is an issue of confidence of others. It is said that reality is essentially dependent on the person experiencing it and the things they've been through. So at this point what I consider to be a reality shouldn't be surprising. I'm sure it would make more sense if you all knew the whole history, but I don't feel like reliving everything prior to July 17th, 2005. Because guess what, I had a live before this place, and in this area it was eerily similar. Perhaps what bothers me most is that when attempting to find what the roadblock is, I can't narrow it down to the obvious. In fact the problem seems to be a flaw in the part of me I hold as sacrosanct.

In case it wasn't obvious, I still have not made the block that I mentioned last time. The one that stops me from posting after 12:00am on Tuesdays. Though even if I had, I doubt it would have stopped this. When one comes face to face with the vessel of their defeat, there is little that can silence the howls of anguish.

How Many Times Can I Break Til I Shatter

Over the line can't define what I'm after.
I always turn the car around.
Give me a break let me make my own pattern.

All that it takes is some time but I'm shattered.
I always turn the car around.

'Shattered' - Of A Revolution

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result. Now this involves a fairly broad definition of the term 'same thing,' but I think it works. While I like the fact that you people have such an easy time saying 'do this' or 'do that,' what you are forgetting is the sheer amount of baggage that I'm dealing with at this point. I'm all for the idea of moving on and for the most part (despite recent comments to the contrary, lol) have managed to do so, but the simple fact is that these ideas that come so easy to the rest of you, well they don't for me. One suggestion in particular that was made by roughly 362 people? I honestly thought about that exact thing for four minutes and fifty-eight seconds, but cannot comprehend what it takes to accomplish that. Something so minor for most is literally beyond what I can even process at this point. Where this gets even more complex is that even if I get past that, I still have what's next to deal with. I don't know how to be the person that step two would require.

You know what else makes this so great. This is almost as public as the ones before it. Yeah....I want to go through that embarassement and unpleasantness again. I love that so many are on my side, but given that what they say is to my mind, entirely in vein, what's the point?

I should find a way to block my ability to write these after say, 12:00am Tuesday, as I'm sure that would save me a good amount of writing. Especially writing while clinging to what remains of my coherent mind.