Well I've Never Prayed But Tonight I'm On My Knees Yeah

I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me yeah.
'Bittersweet Symphony' - The Verve

I suppose I'll have to come back and write about the past three weekends, because you know what, they've been fantastic. Unfortunately I followed it up with, well I can't begin to understand the place I'm in now...

You know its funny, I could end so much of it right now. All I have to do I think is say the word and I have a new store. An exit from the madness. But wouldn't that be just running away from my problems. God knows they've followed me this far, what makes me think that an extra little change in location will alter anything.

But what exactly is the problem. I've written about my thoughts on this before, and god knows I've had many thoughts on the topic, but I'm nowhere closer to an answer. What I can say is that try as I might, nothing those close to me have said or done could have truly changed anything. I apologize for holding any of you even slightly responsible. I could have just ignored everything that was said, but I CHOSE not to. And I apologize to the one that triggered all of this, because if its been as obvious as people have implied, than I have committed a terrible wrong. But I'm done. For the sake of my sanity I can do nothing less.

There are so many thoughts going through my head right now, but none of them help me in even the slightest way. So now I attempt to sleep, retreating to that place I have mentioned before, the prison that is my mind. In the darkest corners therein I hear the drums of another battle and a scream inspired by the Bard, "Cry havoc, and let slip the dogs of war." Somehow when the battle is done, I just hope I go back to where I was on March 16th, 2007.


--Edit
There is another quote, similarly inspired as the one used in my previous blog (this is dialogue, so one speaker will be in bold, the other not):

I think there comes a time when a man has to ask himself if he wants a life of happiness or a life of meaning.
I'd like to have both
Can't be done, two very different paths. I'm mean, to be truly happy, a man must live absolutely in the present. No thought of what's gone before and no thought of what lies ahead. A life of meaning, a man is condemned to wallow in the past and obsess about the future.