And I Forget Just What It Takes, And Yet I Guess It Makes Me Smile

I found its hard, its hard to find, oh well, whatever, nevermind.

'Smells Like Teen Spirit' - Nirvana

And offhand remark earlier today from someone I hardly know kind of put me on edge. There are only two reasons that someone outside my normal group of confidants would have reason to comment on my predicament. Either they have witnessed first-hand the way things are going, or it has been a topic of discussion with those who have spoken with me. Now I don't really take issue with the rumor mill at work, as it is mostly irrelevant to me. Despite my cryptic form of writing, I am mostly an open book, I just prefer that people ask if they want specifics, rather than throwing out all the truth in these pages.

However as I consider everything I can't help but wonder something. Given the considerable quantity of people who know, who out there would stop me? Recently my status showed me as "Stinger is wondering how three or four dozen people can be wrong." This stemmed from a random thought I had about all the people (and that number is not an exaggeration) who have commented or questioned me. In all these conversations, not once has anyone said "You are out of your fucking mind." I think the closest to that was Steve, and even he censored his response to some degree, as I learned later.

I don't even know what my point is here. Maybe I'm just questioning everything, as usual. I guess I am just wondering what this has been, and what this shall be. The only piece of slightly hard evidence was a comment passed onto me mere hours before I pulled the trigger again. And yet it is only slightly more solid than all that I have seen with my own eyes. Unfortunately my vision is not so good, both physically and metaphorically. I think I need to get out of the house for a few, maybe clear my head a bit.

Oh yeah, one last note. So while writing this, I was going to reference something I wrote about long ago. While I couldn't find it, it led me to reread some old entries. Doing that reminded me of something, something I don't think enough of you, particularly those who read these often, don't truly appreciate. I am apparently completely insane. One person referred to my entries as 'deep,' which I suppose could be true. Another has referred to me as 'angsty.' Given my vague musings, I suppose that is fitting. Again, I don't know where I'm going with this...bye.