Gone Quiet

Well, things are certainly better now than they have been in days previous. While I am still not in the best mood, I am at least back in control, relatively speaking. One thing that helped was finally having a talk with my best friend that was long overdue. We talked about the directions in which our lives were going, which was a bit more in depth for me because I had never told him that I intend to go into politics instead of computer science. That may seem strange since, hell, even everyone I work with knew, but it is basically because I figured he would be disappointed in me. I'm not sure I can completely explain that whole feeling, but he wasn't, so it doesn't matter. There were a great many other topics, many of which were in regards to why I was in such a horrible mood before, so it was nice to get so much off my chest.

Ya know, I think I should explain some of that a little more, since a great many of you aren't familiar with my backstory. I had planned since I was incredibly young that I would be in the computer industry, specifically in research and development. It was they way that I thought that I could best improve the lives of, well honestly, everyone. However when the time came to earn the degree that would get me there, I realized it wasn't what I wanted to do with my life. A truly humbling moment to be sure. Instead I realized that I can best affect change in the ways I want by entering politics. I'm just glad I didn't come to all those conclusions while living thousands of miles away at one of the two other colleges that had been options (one of which would have been a complete failure after the change in major, the other of which would have maybe been the best option possible).

And ya know, I'll post it here so that it will still be around once the bulletin has dropped off everyone's page. I'm getting rid of two round trip tickets on the Victoria Clipper to anyone of my friends that may want them. They must be used by December 30th. Message me, call me, whatever. I thought the length of time in which I had to find a use for them would be sufficient. In this I was grossly mistaken. However I had remained optimistic, which in and of itself its somewhat unusual. Well this whole thing had a good vibe until I started talking about this, so I'm just gonna stop before I put myself into a bad mood....again.

The Stormy Present

Wow, it's 3:30 am and I can't sleep. There really should be an easy way to take out my agression (the places I would normally consider aren't open now), because hitting inanimate objects only serves to do bad things to my hand, and on occasion to the inaminate object that recieves the brunt of said agression.

Now this isn't to say that everything is bad, but I seem to be taking a few things personally that don't necessarily involve me. However as most of my friends know, I am fiercly loyal, and will do most anything for them. There is a reasonable chance this will get me into trouble someday, but such is life.

Well, I've tried writing this paragraph a bunch of times but nothing comes out right. That is probably due to the fact that I am simultaneously having massive inferiority AND superiority complexes. You cannot imagine how difficult that is to accomplish. Since I never go into many details in these (due to the public nature of the site), if you want to know what's really going on, all you have to do is ask.

So with that I leave you with a story:

This guy's walking down a street, when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep. He
can't get out. A doctor passes by, and the guy shouts up "Hey you! Can you help me out?"
The doctor writes him a prescription, throws it down the hole and moves on. Then a priest
comes along and the guy shouts up "Father, I'm down in this hole, can you help me out?"
The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a friend
walks by. "Hey Joe, it's me, can you help me out?" And the friend jumps in the hole! Our
guy says "Are you stupid? Now we're both down here!" and the friend says, "Yeah, but I've
been down here before, and I know the way out.."

Not quite an accurate portrayal of what is going through my mind or anything, but a good description of what a person should do for there friends.

On the Day Before

I am suddenly compelled to take note of that which I'm thankful for in preperation for the holiday tomorrow. The first one here I mention because this is something much more prevalent this year. I am thankful for the well-being of myself and those around me. The aftermath of my mom's heart attack was difficult on me, both out of worry for her, and the constant and overwhelming questioning of both my mortality and the direction in which my life has gone. However in the grand scheme of things, all is well, and for that I am thankful.

The second, and to me most important, are my friends and family. I find it a bit ironic that as I type this, I've come across profiles of people that I haven't seen in a long time, but definitely would like to, And others still of people that are very close to me, yet still so very distant. Indeed the memories come flowing back. Anyway, to those that have known me for a long time, all I can say is that I love you all and for those I don't see all the time, I miss you. And to those that I've only recently gotten to know, you are an amazing group of people and I can't wait to get to know each and every one of you better.

So to all of you and those you will be spending the holiday with, Happy Thanksgiving.

What Kind of Day Has It Been?

It really is a good thing that I have had the past couple days off of work. I have been in a really bizarre mood. It is the combination of being somewhat happy, mildly depressed, and well, probably a few other things. The strangest thing about this mood is that if properly provoked (which probably would have happened had I been at work, or any number of other places), I will become incredibly arrogant. Instead I have kept to myself for the most part in an attempt to avoid this. That probably seems like a strange reaction, and I could explain it, but I'm not going to. All I know is that I need something to change very soon or I'm going to lose what little grip on sanity you all know I have. That is all for this very cryptic and nonsensical blog.

17 People

It is a fact that many of my friends know. I will do most anything as long as I am doing it with friends. However I have decided to remove one thing from that list, and that is getting drunk beyond all fucking reason. Yes, most of you are laughing right now, but seriously, I would have much rather stayed up late doing, well whatever was going on after I took my leave the party. It was a hell of a time though. However I don't know what was worse, drifting in and out of consciousness or having fragments of memory flitting into my mind throughout the next day. The few parts I do remember after initially passing out are enough to make me wonder what other brilliant things I decided to say. Anyway, there are only a few people that might read this that don't
already know more about that night than I do, so no point in writing anymore. Well whatever, no regrets :D

Well ok, a couple last thoughts. I learned that one can never completely thank the person that helps them through a night like that, especially after sorting through fragmented memories of conversations that were from what I can tell kinda interesting. Also, there is a underlying pattern to the titles of my blogs, so if they seem random, well, they aren't.

The Long Goodbye

So I just got back from a two day stay in Longview, my first trip back there in a few months. There are two things that stick out in my mind, and both require a little explanation first. First off, I got back Halloween night. For work I dressed up as what could most easily be described as a redneck. I did this mostly as an excuse to not wear my uniform. However since I left for Longview straight from work, I didn't bother to change out of the costume. It dawned on me that the problem with that is that where I was going, no one (except my family) would realize that I was in a costume at all.

Now the second thing. One of my more random skills is that I'm a pretty good dart thrower. Normally when I go back home, at least some time is spent at the Eagles lodge across the river in Rainier. If you don't know what an Eagles lodge is, look it up, I'm not getting into an explanation. Anyway I was throwing darts with my Mom, Grandma, and Grandpa. This was practice for them since they are all in a dart league. However my Grandma is new to it, and is still trying to learn the terminology and such. By pure coincidence, right as I'm about to throw my third dart one round, she asks one of the other people in the league for clarification on a phrase she heard....what I hear next is, "So a happy meal is when you score a 69, right." I froze then, unable to laugh nearly hard as would have been either necessary or appropriate.

And something that is happening down there that I didn't have the chance to face this trip is something that will in time become quite difficult. There is a reasonable chance that one of my Grandfathers has Alzheimer's, or at the very least one of any number of other afflictions of the mind. I know a few of you have experienced this, and this will be my 2nd time through, so there isn't much that need be said in explantion. At this point it is early and I can still be optimistic...

On a whole different topic, I had an interesting day at work recently. It is very common, as some of you reading this will know, for people to talk to me about anything and everything, even if they hardly know me. It is common for me to know a great deal about someone, yet they know little to nothing about me. However due to the nature of the activities we had at work (to those I work with, yes, I mean the LTS stuff), the roles we're reversed. I found it very interesting to see just how someone would react when going from knowing almost nothing about me, to learning about my life in a fairly good amount of detail. I suppose this stems from the fact that I will almost always answer any question asked about me, regardless of how personal it may be.

Crippled

So those of you who have known me for quite some time no about the affliction with which I've been plagued for a few years. Those who haven't known me as long may simply have noticed that I have a limp, one that varies both in magnitude and in which leg it is I'm limping on. Due to the recent development of obtaining health insurance, I have been able to end the suffering. No longer will I have to be careful with how I walk. No longer will I have to refrain from playing various sports and participating in various activities. However this will come with a short term (but humorous) consequence. At home (or while on short journeys) I will be on crutches. And while at work or any prolonged trips, I will be confined to a wheelchair. This means that for the rest of the week I'm gonna be pushin my ass around my store, very likely challenging Jeff to wheelchair races. I'm sure Steve would be making fun of me constantly for being crippled, if he weren't dealing with his truck being stolen this morning. Seriously, who steals a '78 Nissan truck?!?

Currently listening: I Like the Way By Bodyrockers Release date: 03 May, 2005