So after some sleep, I am inclined to say that things are not in fact as bad as I implied earlier this morning. I was just frustrated, tired, and again, still not completely sober. The frustration seems to come from the fact that, as I know many people experience, advice works for everyone but themselves. In fact I find that despite the attitude I had, I have managed to, from what I can tell so far, accurately predict yet again the series of events that have brought me to this point. And I'd like to think I could have stopped it, given that the vast majority of those events took place in my mind.
Hope > False Hope > Hopelessness
I have had a discussion on that statement with various friends, and in the present context, this issue is that I stayed firmly in the middle one. Of course I was completely conscious of that fact the whole time, and I'd like to think I tried to fight it, but if I did, I essentiallly failed. If I would have tried harder to push myself fully into the third category, it would have been better. As odd as that sounds, had I become truly hopeless, the problem would have immediately solved itself, and I would have been fine. I've made the mistake before, and I will likely make it again.
However none of that matters right now. The day is beautiful and I don't work, so I'm going to enjoy it. I figure within a couple days I will have righted the wrongs I have committed and be back on course to, well to what I don't know anymore, but it isn't the destination that matters so much as the journey.
Hope > False Hope > Hopelessness
I have had a discussion on that statement with various friends, and in the present context, this issue is that I stayed firmly in the middle one. Of course I was completely conscious of that fact the whole time, and I'd like to think I tried to fight it, but if I did, I essentiallly failed. If I would have tried harder to push myself fully into the third category, it would have been better. As odd as that sounds, had I become truly hopeless, the problem would have immediately solved itself, and I would have been fine. I've made the mistake before, and I will likely make it again.
However none of that matters right now. The day is beautiful and I don't work, so I'm going to enjoy it. I figure within a couple days I will have righted the wrongs I have committed and be back on course to, well to what I don't know anymore, but it isn't the destination that matters so much as the journey.
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