Hello, Let Me Introduce You to the Characters in the Show

One says yes, one says no
Decide - which voice in your head you can keep alive.

Even in madness, I know you still believe
Paint me your canvas so I become
What you could never be.

I dare you to tell me to walk through fire
Wear my soul and call me a liar
I dare you to tell me to walk through the fire
I dare you to tell me, I dare you to.

'I Dare You' - Shinedown

To every story there is more than one side. And to every side there is more than one interpretation. So as the web we've weaved has progressed, I have been forced to take many things with a grain of salt, to react to things in whatever way kept up appearances, if you will. But now we're reaching the last stop on the journey. The endgame of this entire affair. I should have known last night as I started to feel ill that it was a sign of things to come. Alas I did not heed this thought and walked headlong into an inferno this morning.

Over the previous 36 hours, a series of conversations had taken place that were meant to put people in their place. In the course of this, I was told that my plight had been among many other topics of conversation. It was said that crimes of the worst kind had been perpetrated against me, that I was being caused pain of unimaginable magnitude. I have certainly had many moments where I felt pain due to everything that has gone on, but I have tended to not hold anyone responsible. I believe we all committed crimes against one another, it was simply the nature of the beast. Should I be more hurt at some of the events, perhaps, but I haven't been, and that is what matters. I had a few hours to consider what was going on before everyone else arrived. This is where the grain of salt comes in...

My views throughout this affair have been the topic of considerable speculation to others. As I write now, I am reminded how tricky current and past tenses can be, don't read too much into which I use as I am using them indiscriminantely right now...I have a fairly pessimistic outlook on certain aspects of my life, and more specifically how other people feel about me. I have operated under the assumption that what I was considering was a phenomenally stupid idea, the assumption that she would not be capable of feeling the same about me, ever.
There did remain though a cautious optimism that, well, who knows, things change, perhaps we would both look for something simple and want to see where it went from there. As a part of this though, it means that I avoided doing one thing. Falling in love. It has been eight years since I played that particular game, at an unfairly young age as it turned out. And the cost of that game was immeasureably high. By the time it was over, I had lost damn near everything and everyone I cared about. Only a select few remained after that fateful moment, one that I can still replay with total precision. I'll be damned if I'm going to risk that again without at least some basic assurances (you know, something simple like mutual interest, though for those familiar with the story I'm referring to, this drips with irony). So with that I think I can return happily to a place I was at seven months ago, before my part in this began. This is the place I was at Monday, enjoying what was one of the best days I've had in a long time.

So back to that salt...There is a question that needs to be answered, and it is one of the utmost importance. When the second half of today's story was told, it left me pretty stunned. I remain hopeful that there was simply a misinterpretation. If not, than I am both saddened, angered, and vengeful.