Jealousy, Turning Saints Into the Sea

Swimming through sick lullabies, choking on your alibis.
But it's just the price I pay, destiny is calling me.
Open up my eager eyes, cause I'm Mr. Brightside.

'Mr. Brightside' - The Killers

You have got to be kidding me. I wanted to get out of the house because of what had happened today. Then I found myself wanting nothing but to be back here because of what happened tonight. All I wanted was a nice relaxing evening with friends, but apparently that was too fucking much to ask.

What amuses me is how little I felt during it all. I literally did nothing but keep a blank stare on my face, with just a hint of a smile. I wasn't even angry at what was happening, just that it was happening right then, at the absolutely wrong time. Like I said in 'Give Me a Shot to Remember,' I'm fine with what has gone on. The pain is still there, but I've dealt with it. There is this part of me, and it is the part that expressed itself as I walked away, that I almost feel bad expressing. It's the part of me that just started laughing. Maybe it was a laugh of relief that another page is turned. Maybe it was a laugh at the sheer absurdity of it all. Or perhaps it was my personality fracturing, and the evil half asserting itself. It is the same side of me that had a hard time believing some of the words that had been spoken to me, specifically the ones about me. It is that little part that worries me.

There are 34 days left in this year. I have started reminding myself of this, as though an arbitrary change in calendar year could have any true significance.

On the one good side....hilarity did as always ensue, and was captured on video. I think my idea of a greatest hits album is sounding better all the time.